15. Key found in coat

My Condo keys are missing :( I really do not have idea where i put it, so I ask God and this is what he gave me.

"Look at your coat and you f\will find it"

14. New Galvanic Spa

My old Galvanic Spa was broken and when I tried to ask Nu Skin to repair it, they said that they cannot repair that. I thought its hopeless but to my surprise they said they do replacement instead. So I was happy!

I got a new Galvanic Spa :) Thank God!

13. Unblocked

An old friend of mine blocked my number, but after 2 weeks I tried calling him again and to my surprise I was able to ring him twice.

Though we did not seem to actually reconcile, I pray to God to give us the perfect time to reconcile again.

12. An old friend reconcilation

One of my friends got mad at me during my transition but God was able to make a way for reconciliation.

We had a network issue in the office and it became the reason for us to talk again.

It was a good feeling that we break the ice :)

The one thing I've learned on how to actually talk with people is to look straight with their eyes, this way you can see their souls.

11. Taxi during my late OT

It was already 12.30 am when I finished with my work. I was so tired so I decided to ride a taxi.

Its taking centuries to get one, I am becoming hopeless but I tried waiting but to no avail..

I prayed to God to give me a taxi, I am such a spoiled kid perhaps :)

But still no taxi, I was losing hope.

So I decided to go home already, but to my surprise, I saw a taxi going to my direction.

So I got it!! Thanks to God.

10. Urgent On-Call

Before I used to get mad when they are calling me for an urgent on-call, but now I have learned to adjust to unexpected things already, may it be positive or not.

Turn things negative into positive, that is how we do living proactively on Earth. And when we are positive, we attract positive things as well.

So okay, I stayed in the office, bond with my friends and project team more which is good. And actually I was scheduled for a minor surgery that day in Alabang, but since I cannot go there due to the urgent call, I just do to Medical City instead.

To my surprise, the wound is still fresh that we cannot to the surgery. Thinking about the delay tactic God did, He did not want me to go to Alabang because He know I would just waste my time there.

So the Urgent On-call was actually a blessing!

I will get an overtime pay, I was able to bond with friends and team mates and most I did not waste my time going to Alabang to check my wound.

9. Facebook Unli is back

I was always doing Facebook post of encouragement and God quotes to help people in need.

Sometimes people approach me and ask help just because of a quote i have shared. "Consulting Advisor" only one in the world :)

So it was really significant now that I shared the good news thru Facebook unlike before I only share Sherlock quotes and non-sense :)

Good thing, Globe is opening the free Facebook promo again!! That is a nice blessing to thank for so I can do more with my little mission of spreading light in the virtual world.

8. Php50

I shared the good news of the bank account concept to people I trust.

The Bank account concept again is that, you got an infinite money, joint account with the Lord and that way you feel wealthy.

Yes you do not have the physical money to spend but you know you have a great provider that will provide for you and withdraw money whenever you are in need :)

I shared that to one of the FMS and they were delighted.

One day they approached me telling me they teach the good news as well to their friends. And one of them was able to get a free Php50 just lying on the ground. Finders keepers :) still a blessing :)

7. Freedom from bondage

I was always asking myself why God would let me be exposed to my only one weakness.. and thru this weakness I always ask myself my faith and trust in Him.

Whenever I got the urge of missing someone close to my heart but moved away, I always blame myself to where I go wrong.

I've tried so much to save the friendship but to no avail. You cannot do anything if the other party is not willing. You have to learn to let go and trust the Lord.

But I can't, i always have this false hope and i am blinded and not trusting God's promises.

But God is good to reveal to me that, somehow, that person was able to bother to even care block me out of his life not because he hates me that much.. but I know because he cares.

And to that day, I was set free! :)

I pray to God that one day, we will meet again.. and when that day comes, I pray to God that our hearts ready and healed.

God answered my prayer to learn to trust in Him, more faith in Him and free of bondage of emotional bond.

And God also teaches me to learn to love my enemy and includes Satan. When I love my enemy just like God loves me, i can be like Job in no time. Where God put away Job from the hands of His enemy.

In time, Satan will just let me go not because he hates me but because he cares and wants me to be happy as well because he will know God loves him the way He loves me :)

6. Winner in Ice Breaker Game

We have an All hands meeting and they conducted an ice breaker game. The winning group will have a prize of Php4k worth of Buon Giorno meal.

I was so excited for the prize because I never tried eating in Buon Giorno so I asked God to help my team to play well!!

And we won!!!

First round was we are 1 point and the rest are 0.

Then one manager told me that they will add more prize for the 2nd round.

And we got 3 points and the other team is 2 points so we needed a tie breaker.

I was praying to not get nervous about it because we are with God and that He will gave us victory and yes we won!!

There is even a funny thing that happened to us because I was mistaken to be in the wrong place on the game, so we proactively learned from that mistake and ask the person on our right and left if we are in the proper position. I think that it helped us a lot during that game just because we made mistake in the past!

And again thank you Lord for blessing us to win!!

5. O-ring

My Cousin needed an O-ring, that is a spare part of his car for repair.

So we go to Alabang to get an O-ring but unfortunately there is no stock available. The agent was so accommodating he was really doing everything he can to find an available O-ring.

He also tried calling their Pasay branch to check whether there is an available O-ring but to no avail. As we are about to give up, I asked the Lord for guidance and assistance so He help us find an O-ring.

"Lord, we really need the O-ring now, I know you know this, but I am still asking you to help us find one. You are Almighty and you can do miracle even if there is no O-ring that exist, but you can still do in your name... please do a miracle for me." I prayed.

After I said that, the supervisor approach us and ask what is our problem. Then we stated our problem and he said someplace to look also. Like at the back of the store or something. And guess what, there is an O-ring in there!! Miracle right?!!! :)

God is good and praise be to God!

4. 7 HabitsTraining

I always tried my best to have the MTP and the 7 Habits training but to no avail.

They always decline and reject me..

But in God's perfect timing, I was able to attend the 7 Habits and I enjoyed it so much!!

I was thinking if He gave me this instantly before, maybe I wont be able to absorb the things He wanted me to teach in there. So its just perfect!

So sometimes, when we pray God answer immediately because you need it right there, and God sometimes answer to just wait because its not yet time, and lastly He answer No, because it can do you more harm than good!

Trust is the only key to be able to decipher how the Lord moves in his mysterious ways. We can deduce his ways if we continue to walk with Him and to continue learning to love and trust Him. If you trust, love and respect someone, you will get to know Him better right? And your communication will always be clear because you knew each other.

That's how Lord works with us in communicating, we have to listen and we don't only ask :) That is why its called communicating :)

3. Dinner from Jay

My money was so tight, and it is still Tuesday and I only got Php 150 left on my pocket.

I still have 3 more days before pay day and I do not know how in the wolrd can I survive with a Php 150 in my pocket.

But I prayed to God and trust him that he can do something for this dilemna.

During dinner, I was thinking of going to the 11th floor or just eat in the condo. But there is a strong urge to go to the 11th floor so I decided to go there instead.

When I get out of the elevator, I saw a friend of mine and he offered me his extra fee dinner from his training :) Another answered prayer!! I know God is doing something and helping me get through this little test.

Wednesday is my first day in my training in 7 Habits, so its a free breakfast and lunch.
But what about my dinner? There is an extra food from lunch that I kept and that is my dinner for the day :) Praise the Lord.

Thursday is my second day in my 7 Habits training, free breakfast and lunch but I did not get any extra lunch for my dinner. So I was saying, He will do something about it. When we are going home, the 7 Habits speaker is waiting for his taxi so I just decided to stay with her first since I could no longer see her that much after the training, I am maximizing the time that I can be able to ask her questions.. of course for free :) And guess what, she got that urge to eat at Mongkok and she just invited me to eat with her. I was surprised when she treat me to dinner and of course I know it was a blessing and I say thanks :)

I do not say no to blessings anymore since I do not ask for it, it was given freely so I do not need to be guilty of anything :)

Friday my last day in 7 habits training, again free breakfast and lunch and well it was already payday and I still have the Php150 intact :)

God is good right?!

You may be wondering, so why do you still cannot get out of debt if you have your God now?

Exactly my point!! Because only God can get me out of my debt and I am still in the processing of learning to trust in Him when I have nothing :) That is the lesson I have to learn.

Because my money and God's money is infinite!! And we are joint account on that savings... our wealth is spread all over the world, and we cannot even contain that in one bank.

Tell me, is there a bank that can handle a savings of infinity?? I know no one can!! So we spread the money all over the world! IF i need it I will just ask God, and He will sign the withdrawal slip and give it to me!! :) So why would I be afraid of not having money?

Soon, God will get me out of debt and have abundant wealth, as He promised! :)

God is the best provider!! No one else can do that for me!

2. SSS ID

My company conducted a seminar about the SSS, Philhealth and Pagibig. Since I wanna know more about the benefits, and which I always neglect to understand in the past, this is a good opportunity from God to hear what those can offer me.

I am thankful that I understand it very well now, given I am learning to actually listen :)

During an SSS seminar at 8 am, I am the only one that attended the session. So while waiting, I talked with the speaker. During our conversation, it happens that he was a back slider.
And we talked about how amazing God is in my life. Hopefully I was able to inspire him to go back to God again because God miss him already. In that small span of time, I pray that God will enlighten his spirit again to go back.

So we also talked about how important I have an SSS ID. I told him that i was not able to get it since 2006 which is 7 year ago.. "that is how irresponsible I was before", I admit.

So I called the SSS Office to inquire about my ID. They told me that they have delivered that to IBM 5 years ago, but I did not get any.

"Lord, this was a hassle, and I do not have time to get the ID again... I pray you can help me get an ID again thru my company, like they initiate something so they will be the one to organize the ID issuance or something." I prayed.

Soon, my manager emailed us that there will be a unified ID where SSS, PHilhealth and Pagibig ID are already there. All we have to do is to fill up the form he gave us and we are all set.

See how God moves here? I only asked for an SSS ID, and He gave me so much more!!

Praise the Lord for his little blessings!!!

1. Php5k for Dick A4 Enrollment

One day I asked my mother how much it cost for my brothers enrollment in A4, this is a car school that teaches student to drive.

"Mommy, how much do you need for Dick's A4 enrollment?" I asked.

"Php 5k" she replied.

The moment she told me the amount, I already asked the Lord.

"Lord, I know that you can do something for the request, I claim and trust you on this." I quietly exclaimed.

After 2 hours, my cousin Joselito ask me if he can use my credit card for a transaction then he will pay me in cash. So I said yes to that.

Do you know how much he needs? Php5k :D

That instant i got Php5k cash!! And that is with the Lord's grace.

I know this is still a credit but I have money coming so I do not need to worry. Who am I to worry when I have a joint account with the Lord?

When I give the money to my mother, she said " I said it was Php12k", she said confusingly.

I replied,"No you dont, I am absolutely sure it is Php5k :)"

Old testament - New Testament - Revelation

Have you question how God is all knowing? 

And why did he allowed things to happen?

If he is all-knowing, don't he know that Adam and Eve would sin, or David will commit adultery or he will destroy the world in the time of Noah? Or why He let bad things happen to us?

I was asking myself, why? If he know all these things, then why would he let that happen?

Genesis 1:1 says "In the beginning..." 

and in the Book of Genesis the first thing God made was "the light".

The next stories in the Old testament talks about war, wrath, plagues, adultery, idolatry... etc, all kinds of sin are there...

Then the New Testament talks about the life of Christ and the change He brought in the world.

With the New Testament, it talks about change from the Old Testament worldy ways. We can read here parables that can help us understand more about God.

We read the Bible to know and understand the Lord and His ways. A guide to a better life.

God revealed to me one thing and answered all my questions...

When He talks about the beginning in Genesis, he actually talks about a human life. When we are still a baby.. and the first thing we can see in life, as we open our eyes is light.

We grow up, we know God but how well do we know Him?

We tend to live in our worldy ways: sinful little ways of cheating, stealing and all other worldy sins.

But when we meet Christ.. our Old Testament in life will be changed to New Testament:

2 Corinthian 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

So now when you meet Christ, you are already living in the New Testament and you know what is the part of the Revelation?

That is our death. 

Everyone is afraid to die.. and that is how you can feel when you read the Revelation but when you Know Christ, you'll know its a blissful ending.

Revelation 22:20

He who testifies to these things says " Yes, I am coming soon.Amen, come Lord Jesus" The grace of the Lord be with God's people. Amen.

And there, you meet Christ in heaven when we die. 

We live temporary in this world and the purpose on living here is to go through the Old Testament and have a worldy life, meet Christ and live in the New Testament and wait for the coming of your last day on Earth where you will meet God in the revelation of His Love for us. The death of our body in the world is incomparable with the life that is waiting for us in Heaven. So why do we fear death?

Perfect Love

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love

When someone told me about this verse, I always wonder if this is actually possible.

I even wonder if there is really perfect love..

When that person left me, i told myself.."So what was that verse for anyway??"

People will come and go.. yes.. only if you do not know how to perfectly love them.

No one will leave anyone if they understand how to truly love..

As for me, I guess I never learned to really love truly..

Because perfect love is when you understand how to truly Love God.

I asked myself, when I love God do I love the way He loves me?

I say No, because I hurt people... intentionally or unintentionally I did...

so there will be an answer to my question why they will leave.. because before I do not know how to truly love.

God bless me thy wisdom to truly learn to love, just as how He loves me...

Declaration of my Love for you Lord (my Psalms)

" I am exquisite" says my Lord.

"Dazzling, spotless, immaculate, superb..."

His love for me is perfect.

He is the greatest man. 

His silence is beautiful to my ears, the most beautiful hymn.. solemn..

He is my Alpha and Omega.

His soul is everlasting. His thoughts profound.

I adore Him.. my Lord, my All.

You are the man I am looking for all my life. The man that will never leave me,
will never hurt me, always honest, always loving and understanding.

I have found the perfect man in you! I finally found you,my Lord.

With you I will never be anxious, with you I shall not fear. 

I declare my Love for you and thank you for accepting me wholly, without any doubt,
even If I have wronged you, you stayed with me and start anew.

Pride and Arrogance Test

God was so good to answer that I have passed this crucial test. I thought I failed, but I won Victory.

I always thought that I am a very bad person and that I do not know how to seriously love somebody and I am too manipulative for them.

One of the people I loved before once told me, how I am not conforming with the moral laws and that I am too conceited and I am boring..

I was so hurt realizing that in the beginning. My life in hell had turned me into something that no one would ever want to be with for the rest of their lives.

I know he is right, God used him to make me realize how close enough I am to changing to be a better person.

I know I am a bad person and my logic was bad, I know that I am not the good person to be with.. but I tried my best to change to be a better person.

I never lied to anyone ever again, tried to really be honest and speak with my mind, tried to watch my words and kept myself humble even if at first it sucks to be not sinning... withdrawing from sin and keeping it to the right track was a challenge for someone like me.

I am used to lying to get what I want, used to cheating to get satisfied and used to not feeling any emotions whatsoever to other people.. I never cared genuinely.. but things turned upside down because God saved me and God will save anyone who genuinely get serious on changing.

I am sorry for being a bad person... this article had given me so much hope that I know I have changed for being the person God wants me to be. I thank God for making me feel I am in the right path now... and what I did with the previous person i loved.. was humility and genuine love.. I learned to let him go because I am still the wrong person at that time for him.. and I am not selfish enough to make him stay because I have no good thing to offer.

I pray to God.. that one day, I would finally find the right one for me.. but I have to be the right person first.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight/201404/how-end-the-right-partner

"I suspect that what many decent people in such relationships or marriages don’t realize, until they have endured a very long stretch of unfairness, is that their arrogant partner entered the relationship expecting special consideration. Much like in a dating relationship in which the party who desires the other more must accommodate the other’s wishes, the arrogant spouse assumes you will do more than half the work to compensate for your lower desirability. Their expectation sounds unreasonable, but arrogant people are image builders not truth-seekers." === hahaha I am guilty of this, but i already change that. Thought the book "Why men love bitches" are a good read but not. Psychology of man and Psychology of God is wayyyyy to different. 

I would argue that neither the girlfriend nor the boyfriend in these scenarios is decent enough to marry. In each case, the person demeaned his or her lover. If the roles were reversed, you would never belittle anyone! Your worst headache might make you a bit short with the person, but never insulting. Their belittling behavior (including the use of the word “slut”—which a humble person would not use) signals their arrogance, a trait tied to deception and exploitation (5).  === so both of us were arrogant then. I thought this is normal to people being in love to outburst their emotions. But now I realized that yes for a humble person, he/she can never belittle anyone even if we are angry.

When you try to dump the person after an outburst like the one described above, he or she might argue that they said they were sorry and it was only one mistake. But while a humble person acknowledges your right to leave and does not interfere with it, the arrogant person has an image to defend.
The trait of humility is a must-have that undergirds sincerity and the promise of a fair marriage.
When you do find that sincere, humble, fair-minded person, you might be shocked to discover how sexy he or she is. It might be overwhelming to finally share a passion based on discovering the person in front of you—free from the conventional gender roles and judgments. There is nothing to fear, however, because the formula for communicating remains simple: You always mean what you say. === at least I know now, Ive done it right. I thought all along I am a bad person, but in the end, I passed the test of Pride and Arrogance.

Thank you Lord for the final proof. Thank you Lord for freeing me from torturing myself for thinking how bad I am.

Excerpt # 1

1. Just because someone stumbles and loses their way, does not meant they are lost forever.

2. And as frightening as it can be, that pain will make you stronger if you allow yourself to feel it. Embrace it. It will make you more powerful than you can ever imagine. The greatest gift we have is to bear their pain without breaking and it comes from your most human part - hope.

Why do we wake up in the morning?

The ultimate question I always ask and wonder everyday of my life.

Been having too many struggles lately and I am perplexed with what to do with everyday battles.

Battles where I lose and win... I stumble and fall and tried to get up again.

Why was life so complicated to live? Or one can decide to make it simple or complicated? Surrendering to God is never easy, i am not used to not having control over what I need and want to do. But being obedient seem to be the only thing that could save me from hurting.

What was the will of God for me?

I am almost done with pruning phase, it was a hard process to accept that I am but a really bad person full of bitterness, selfishness, self-centered bitch, narcist, pride.. almost all negative traits i have it.. but God wants me to overcome everything to be pure. I am not used to being a good girl, but as much as I want to be in the right path, I have to seriously change for the better.

I lost a lot of people during this journey, and i even lost myself to the thought of being a new person.. i never saw the light until God gave me wisdom that He loves me so much He would not want to risk me being hurt again.

This may be hard today, but i pray and have faith that tomorrow will bring a better day.

Vulnerability

"Vulnerability is not weakness. Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage." - Brene Brown

Teachings

God teaches me many things.

It was really hard to be as perfect as God, but through His grace, this is all possible.

I understand why people say they feel judged.. When people do wrong or bad things, we do not need to tell them they are wrong, we just have to show them. We have to be a living example that doing wrong things will not make them happy in the long run. And God is the only one that can judge us.

I say my sorry for those people who felt that I judged them. Its just that, I am still learning my craft, and I do not know yet how to handle it.

Humbling down. One of the hardest thing i ever learned in this walk. It is hard to humble down and say sorry.. I live life never saying this words.. now I have to learn to say it.. sincerely.

I hurt people, and they hurt me too.. but that does not mean I need to take on revenge. Even if I do not understand what it can do to me, being humble and forgiving just seems to be very important.

I wish I was able to learn this early on, but again, I have to move forward. Next time, Ill be more loving and more forgiving.

I do not know what's in store for me, and I hope that God would find a way to ease the pain my old life has caused me.

Beginning of change is the hardest step so one can enjoy the rest. This too shall pass.

All or Nothing

Sometimes I cannot understand how God moves in our lives.

He let me experience the abundance of having everything, and now He is letting me experience nothing at all.
Everything was taken from me, but I am holding on to the thought that this is still in the process of my victory.

As for the story of Job, God blessed him with everything, but He took everything away too. Job did not stop worshiping and praising God until the day God decided to really take Him out of his misery and pain. That is what I am hoping for.

I trust the Lord that one day, as long as I walk with Him, ill be forever happy and never to cry again. Ill be victorious!

Surrendering to God was hard because you are living in a world where people are not walking the same path as yours. The narrow road is not something easy to take, but it will all be worth it in the end.

My past is gone and dead, i am new and alive once more. The journey to eternal happiness is at my hand already, I just have to wait for the break God will give me where He would tell me "Never to return again, this is the life I offer you, a life with me forever" :)

The feeling that all my sins are gone and I am just dealing with all the consequences of it, feels really refreshing. Its like you are cleaning your house and you are just checking anything dirty left from it, but in the end, the house is clean enough to make more room to happiness!!! I am so excited for the day God will clean everything in me!! I am actually clean already, well, super clean I guess :)

No more trauma of the past, no more bitterness in my heart, no more pain, nothing to hide. I am bold in your eyes O Lord. I feel so free and happy :)

Thank you Lord for all the happiness, from there i learned to give and thank you too for the pain, from there i learn to humble myself.

My love, if you will come back to me, I will never let you go again. If God's hand is holding yours too, I know one day we will meet again, just the same way He did when we first met.

I love my God, and I know He will make everything possible to make me the happiest person on earth and on Heaven above.

Overwhelming Blessing

Hi Lord,

What else can i say when you made me feel that you love me so much?

I am actually so speechless and i am always crying out of joy.

Before I thought being kind is boring.. being kind was way too FUN!

I never had experience this kind of treatment, I am so spoiled! :)

I am whole, I am complete because of you Lord. No one else made me complete except you.

Thank you for taking care of me and for spoiling me everyday! I can get used to this! :)

I know that you will never leave me because I know how much you love me.

I hope I will be able to fulfill your purpose in this world and contribute to it for your glory and for the advancement of your kingdom.

Take away all my sins and lead me not into temptation. I am weak without you Lord, I need you always.

I cannot win this battle without you, you are my Savior and my Provider! You are my Alpha and Omega!

Thank you for almost everything.. my love bucket was way too FULL and OVERFLOWING! :)

I cannot contain my happiness anymore. You gave me all source of happiness to be very thankful with, I cannot ask for more :)

I love you Lord! 

Excerpt #2

11. Coup de foudre - love at first sight; a connection to another person which becomes thrilling, delicious , sought after center of the world.

12. Being in love can feel like falling and soaring, it can make a person hot or cold, dizzy or calm.

13. Addiction is chronic or habitual use of any checmical substance to alter states of body and mind for other than medically warranted purposes

14. Psychological dependence is the subjective feeling that the user needs the drug to maintain a feeling of well being.

15. Physical dependence is characterized by tolerance( the need for increasingly larger doses in order to achieve the initial effect) and withdrawal symptoms when the user is abstinent.

Excerpt #1

1. Language can hardly express a lover's confident, rapturous state of mind

2. In love, everything about the beloved seems thrilling and fascinating.

3. Yet all these characteristics: the narrowing of our world, the obsession, the experience of obstacles as an aphrodisiac, the inability to resist, are also symptoms of a kind of slavery to the substance or person that causes them.

4. were we in the grip of a magnificent obsession fueled by the many obstacle in its path? were we soul mates, or were we being pulled forward by compulsions and desires that take over from reason in situations where love is concerned?

5. I do not like to work with patients who are in love. Perhaps, it is because of envy - I, too,crave enchantment. Perhaps it is because love and psychotherapy are fundamentally incompatible. The good therapist fights darkness and seeks illumination, while romantic love is sustained by mystery and crumbles on inspection. I hate to be love's executioner. - Stanford Psychiatrist Irvin D. Yalom

6. The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. - Maggie Scarf

7. Addiction is defined by behavior, not by fantasy. With sexual behavior, as with alcoholism, addiction cant be measured by the amount someone drinks or their number of sexual partners. Is everyone who get drunk an alcoholic? Certainly not.

8. Addicts with many different substances are able to control the effects of one by using another.

9. Overeating can diminish the pain of remorse.

10. The rush of energy, the euphoria in the presence of a loved one, possessiveness and the heightened state of lovers when they are together is not exclusive to our species.

Excerpt #2

11. Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death.

12. You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes her.

Excerpt # 1

1. I'd shake my head microscopically and exhale in response

2. It occurred to me why they call it "eye contact"

3. I fear oblivion (fact or condition of forgetting or having forgotten)

4. Withholding judgment! When can I see you?

5. That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.

6. That's why I like you. Do you realize how rare it is to come across a hot girl who creates an adjectival version of the word pedophile? You are so busy being you that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are.

7. I'm in love with you and m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you and i know that love is just a shout into the void and that oblivion is inevitable and that we are all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust and i know the sun will swallow only the earth well ever have and i'm in love with you.

8. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.

9. I'm on a roller coaster ride that only goes up and it is my privilege and my responsibility to ride all the way up with you.

10. The world is not a wish-granting factory

Better

Is there anyone in the world
who has never felt like a bad person?


These are the things you have stolen, you confess:
cookies from a jar when you were three
a couple of twenties from your father’s wallet
an idea from a classmate—
you couldn’t help it;
it was right there
unguarded
a guy your good friend loved.


I’m not who everyone believes I am, you say,
and I reply, It’s okay, I’m not everyone.


These are the things you don’t deserve, you fear:
a clean slate
forgiveness
a place on top of a pedestal,
shining like a trophy perched surely
on a shelf, for everyone
to admire
a happily ever after
the right to make
mistakes.


Your mind clouds with doubt, worry that you will not
be a better woman, but my heart is awash with the well-lit
certainty that you already are.


Know this:
know that this happiness is yours
from now on, always
it has not been handed to you;
it has been earned
through the years you have lived,
built, cared, carried
a vision of greatness inside of you,
through the years you have persisted,
planted your feet firmly on the ground,
gritted your teeth against the sadness,
disappointment, loss—it’s not like
you have been spared of a crushed heart pressed, squeezed
into a chink in the armor half its size so that it would stay
in place, where it belongs—it’s not like
you’ve never been hurt yourself.


And I know you hate it when people say
You Deserve It instead of Congratulations—
because what about the people who worked
hard, tried hard, prayed
hard, fucking wanted it
so much only to watch it evaporate like fish piss; what about them?—
but you deserve it,
you do.


You say, I feel like I will always be trying
to keep the demons on the other side of the gate, and I tell you,
Good. Don’t ever stop.


My mind is wide open, free, and my love is
yours; you don’t need permission to
take it.


You are better now
that the happiness is home
and you can clutch it to your chest
sew it onto your sleeve
wake up to it
breathe it in every minute
tack it up on your bedroom wall
Ziplock it
laminate it
blog about it
write a song about it
write a novel loosely based on it
make a t-shirt out of it
kiss it gently
kiss it awkwardly
kiss it hard
tell it a dumb joke
make it an afternoon snack
bake it a cake
share it with your parents
share it with the world
stay in on Sundays with it
grow old with it
be silent with it
stuff it into your pockets
carry it around with you wherever you go.
You are better now,
don’t fumble.

Strings

We were sewn together as if texture
didn't matter: me, all flannel and mildness
and here, and you, with your leather
palms and mighty plans, a heavy-duty
restlessness outlined on your back.
Nobody ever said this out loud but
in their minds they feared that someday
we would be left clutching at frayed hems
and worn-out edges; in their minds they tried
to warn us when the needle and thread
touched our skin, stitching my sighs
onto yours, weaving all our warmths
into one. In the beginning I kept waiting
for things to fall apart at the seams, but now
there is softness in your searching and
a sturdiness to my stillness, and these days
the way we have come to define peace is,
if we take a closer look, pretty much the
same thing. This is the fabric of us, love—
we have been covered from day one.

On Doubts

“And your doubt can become a good quality if you train it. It must become knowing, it must become criticism. Ask it, whenever it wants to spoil something for you, why something is ugly, demand proofs from it, test it, and you will find it perhaps bewildered and embarrased, perhaps also protesting. But don't give in, insist on arguments, and act in this way, attentive and persistent, every single time, and the day will come when, instead of being a destroyer, it will become one of your best workers--- perhaps the most intelligent of all the ones that are building your life.”

God's blessing

I woke up to find that my heart is hushed, and once again, reassured of life's goodness, His goodness; thankful for the blessing that is you.

Missing Piece

"I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you - especially when you are near to me, as now :
it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land, come abroad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapped; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly. As for you - you'd forget me."  - Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre