This is the story behind my tattoo.
My tattoo says everything about the deeper side of me. It was designed with a pyramid so one could see who must be on top.
I have 3 different faces that you must see, and behind those faces are different personalities. Its more than a split personality - this one is split in three.
Below is the meaning of my tattoo:
In alibata characters:
ma
a-de
kris-des-na
In Sigmund Freud's structural model of the psyche:
super ego
ego
id
In my birth name:
ma
april
crisena
CRISENA - THE PLAYFUL
Being playful is risky and dangerous that is why crisena must be placed at the bottom of April and Ma. When i use this side of me, i am being illogical and reckless. I can even die immediately for being impulsive. I dont use my head, i only go for things that i wanted.
But from all three, Crisena is fun and outgoing. She can mingle with anybody else even if they only met for the first time. She can speak english fluently and she can relate to people very well. She knows a lot of jokes and she knows how to get use of good punchlines.
The disadvantage of being Crisena is that, she is giving 100% of her trust to people as long as she see them as nice and if they get her interest, she cannot control but to go with them. That is why she needed April to advise her first if she can go with any group in case they invited her over a party or any interesting activity. Once she get approval from April, then the fun stuff will begin... party all night long like there is no other day.Happiness...
When Crisena is mad, she is mad and i dont like her when she is mad. What makes her mad is when she dont get what she want. That makes her irritable. And do you know hulk? She is as unstable as hulk is when she is angry. She destroy anything that she can see for her to be able to release her madness. Yes madness... i cannot control her when she is mad. She can break anything just to satisfy her madness... no one can control her if someone trigger her to get mad. Even April and Ma cannot control her when she is mad. This is the negative side of me...Crisena.
I hate Crisena when im in love... because she cannot control her emotions. She wanted me to understand my partners shortcomings. For April if her partner did something wrong, then go away i dont need you. For Crisena, stay even if it hurts because i love you and i am happy with you. But sometimes, i use Crisena when im so in love with a guy... i never let April against it.. for me being with the person i love is the most important thing even though he does bad at me...
But apart from being so negative, when everything else in the world fails. I count on her... she is strong. She can make me smile again. She can tell me "hey you can do it girl im still here wake up and have fun!" When im sad, i count her, she wont tell me anything like "hey you are wrong" just like what April use to tell me when im analyzing things. For Crisena, i never did anything wrong, and i will always be right. To be able to protect myself from being hurt, i count on her. I stand up again each time i fall when Crisena is here by my side.
APRIL - THE NICE/GIRL-NEXT-DOOR
She is the complete opposite of Crisena. She is logical and she is nice. She only do what is appropriate. April is not as fun as Crisena.
I used to see her on church every sundays and praying so hard. For my guidance, i use April since she is sincere enough to pray for me and to tell God for being so sorry because Crisena did something bad again. Crisena hurt people's feeling but April will never do it. Once i use April as my face, then Crisena will be tamed. This is the only time Crisena will shut up but Crisena wont admit she is wrong she will only shut up and let April do the talking.
April, will always tell me, "you are wrong girl and this is the right thing to do or what you did was right keep it up".
However,the drawback of having split personality is that sometimes I used Crisena today then the next day i would switch to April, which makes it more confusing to my partner. So what i needed to have is someone to understand the meaning of this names.
MA - THE POWERFUL PERSUADER
I rarely use this side of me when i get to mingle with people usually when im angry and needed to take revenge on someone or when i really feel the need to use some tactics. I also use her during debates or intellectual conversations. This is the most powerful side of me in case i use it since she is the most intelligent above them all (more balanced and steady). For me, this is the perfect combination of April and Crisena. The Charm of Crisena and the Logical Power of April makes the complete secret ingredient to being powerful.
But being so powerful isnt good always since you make yourself self-righteous and i put myself on the highest pedestal like no one could reach me.
Maybe its just a matter of fixing those three. A combination of Ma Crisena April will be the best personality i could have. Its not about being powerful, nice and playful... its a matter of working together as a whole.
